The Phantom Feeling

It’s that wake up in the middle of the night feeling like something is terribly wrong. You quickly reach into your pocket, purse or bag and check your phone. Why? Because you want to make sure that no one has tried to call or text you…I am guilty of having these ‘Phantom Feelings’ and have felt convicted of them lately. It is on a rare occasion that I am not within 5 ft of my cell phone, and I have started to have a love/hate relationship with it.

There have been times in my life that I check my phone multiple times in short time spans to check to see if I have a missed call, text, received a facebook message, check twitter updates, wordwithfriends challenge, email or the latest news. At the time it is happening I’m not thinking too much about it, but when I look at the big picture I can’t help but think I have a problem.

Why am I checking in so much into this world, and not pursuing the Lord with that same passion as I do my phone at times? Why am I more worried about being 5 ft away from my phone, and not worried about being 5 ft away from the word of God? Why am I constantly making time to see if I have missed a call or message from someone? Yet creating time to “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10) is a constant struggle for me. Why do I check my phone for messages when I know that it hasn’t been ringing or buzzing throughout the day?

In Psalm 1:2 ‘his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night’. This is what I want for my life. I must consistently turn to the scriptures and memorize the messages that the Lord has already left for all of us. I must renew my mind and worry more about missing what the Lord is trying to teach me in certain moments, and not worry about missing a call from someone who I can just call back later.

Do you know that feeling I’m talking about? Are you addicted to your phone?

I read this today, one of my mentors posted this on his blog and I just felt so convicted! So I wanted to share it on my blog so it could hopefully bless one of your days :)  

What my summer could be...

When asked what I have planned for my summer, I said growing closer to God. I'm sooo super excited for summer (if you couldn't tell from my last blog) because I just get several months with no homework, no stress, no worrying, and so much less distractions. I'm seriously so excited to get all this time to just rest in God. I love the thought of resting in God... I love actually resting in God. To just spend time in His word when it is just me and my daddy! I love reading His love letter to us and spending time in prayer. This summer I'm planning on spending the whole summer pouring life and love into the people who surround me. I'm going into this summer with the mindset of glorifying God and using my talents that He has given me.  In my blog "Living Missionaly" I added a song by Lecrae called dream and I just think it goes perfectly with this topic. I want to change peoples lives. I want to be in peoples "circle" like dean talked about in the faculty chapel. The other day Lisa Porter encouraged me soo much by telling me that she's already seen me working in the lives of other people. If I dedicate my summer to just helping people out and volunteering somewhere I think that I will get soo much closer to God, after all Matthew tells us that what we do for the least of those we do for Him. I can't wait for this summer!! I'm soo excited!! I pray that God works through me even in the teeniest tiniest way this summer :)

This Summer!

This summer I'm not doing too much stuff - but I'm so so excited for the summer :) One thing I'm going to be doing is going to kamp from June 4 - June 18th and I'm SOOOOOO excited!! 29 more days <3 <3 <3. Hehe :) Kamp is my favorite thing of all time. If I could stay there year round - I would!! This year I'm bringing my friend Leigh to kamp, which is fun! and this is my first year to go back the same term and get to be with all the same people!! So I can't wait to see all my sweet friends :) Literally this place is my heaven on earth!! I adore that we don't have our computers or cell phones or anything like that!! I love it! I love getting away from the world to get to focus on God and strengthening my relationship with Him!! I can't wait to be a counselor there! But this year the theme is "Game On" which I think will be really interesting!! But that is one of my main, main things this summer!! 

Another thing I'm doing is Rush Week in Pensacola, Florida! I'm going on a mission trip with four of the five girls I do a Bible Study with - Brooke Fritcher, Angela Pidala, Blakely Smith, and Ashton Binkley! These people are awesome girls that I can't wait to experience a mission trip with. This will be my first *of many* mission trips and I can't wait!! We will be witnessing to children and working at VBS's in poorer areas and just ministering to the people or Pensacola! I seriously am sooo excited! I can't wait to do this and I think it will be one of the best weeks of my life so far :) My little sister and Brooke Fritchers little sister and Ashton Binkleys little sister (who are all really close although none of them go to school together) are all going as well! So it will be fun to get to spend this time with my baby sister :) and I'm super excited that she'll be going on her first mission trip two years ahead of me so that she can have even more opportunities! I think it'll be cool seeing her in this element and helping her out!! 

Lastly, are the little things I'm doing this summer. The majority of my summer will be spent at home - which is fine by me!! I want to read alot, I have way to many books that I want to read soo bad, but that I haven't been able to because I'm busy with school! So I'm excited about diving into those! Also over the summer I usually really get into community service! I love community service and so do my friends! I think its soo fun :) (as dorky as that may be). I'll also be leading VBS at First Baptist for a week and be doing the Houston Project during July at First Baptist! I hope to also be babysitting my sweet cousins Somya and Saaya this summer!! And any other kids I can babysit - I just love babysitting! There's a single mother on my street (who doesn't work during summers) and I think I'm going to work something out with her so that twice a month I'll babysit her four sweet kids for free so she can have some nights off and not have to worry about paying me! But I guess thats just a little glimpse into my summer!! I'm soo ready for it!! <3

Spreading the Good News

I'm not really sure where to even start. I want my life to be devoted to God and dedicated to spreading His Word. It would bring me joy to be a missionary or a counselor of some sort for the rest of my life - however, we'll see what God has planned for my life. I think I could be doing a MUCH better job and telling people about Jesus. There are numerous times I can remember where I felt like God was calling me to talk to someone about Him, and I ignored Him and disobeyed what He was calling me to do. Once I felt really called to talk to one of my sweet, sweet friends who was going down the wrong path with her boyfriend. I really didn't want to offend her in anyway and make her think that I didn't love her. But the actuality I later realized was that if I didn't talk to her about it and try to help her - then that would be me not loving her. Because If I truly love her that means I want to help her get on the right path - regardless of her response, because I care about her. But when I felt God was calling me to do this it was like midnight and I was laying in bed and I was thinking about just not talking to her about it.. But literally like a few minutes later I get a text message from the girl and she was talking about this other guy (not her boyfriend) and it was like God was handing me the perfect opportunity to talk to her about it. After I talked to her we had an amazing conversation and she was so thankful that I talked to her.. she's still taking babysteps at getting better with her situation but I feel like God made us closer as sisters in Christ because of my obedience and for that he blessed our friendship. I constantly have to pray to be strong and courageous. When I think about it - the most influential people in my life, the people that I look up to and hope to one day become  are women of Christ who are unashamed! They are courageous and they love Jesus so much that it just overflows and you can tell that they have Jesus in them just by their smile and the way they talk. It makes me soo inspired to become like them, thankfully I'm not filled with jealousy towards them, instead its a longing to have Jesus shining through me. Another one of my amazing friends Tyler decided that after being a Christian his whole life... Christianity "just isn't for him". When he told me this my heart broke. It is so so so heart breaking to hear that someone you care so much about isn't a Christian. Tyler has asked me to pray for him and I have been.. we talk like once every other week and I just check in with him. Thankfully he's going to Kanakuk again this year (thats how I know him) and I've just been praying that God will speak through his counselors and bring sweet Tyler back to Christ. We talked a little bit about hypocrisy and its at the end of the article we read and I'll be the first to admit - I'm not free from hypocrisy. I gossip when I shouldn't... I lie about stupid things that don't even matter... I do things that are not reflecting Jesus Christ. But I am working on these things. I want the last thing that people think of me to be a hypocrite - a white washed tomb. Mark 1:15 says, "'The time has come' he said. 'The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!'" Even typing out this verse today has been "hard." Not sure if that is the word I am really looking for but let me see if I can explain. Sometimes, I cringe with the thought of the truth of the gospel. Meaning the truth that there is a heaven and a hell. The truth that some people will be in hell for eternity. Even typing it is just "hard". I am not a writer or speaker of eternal damnation or fire and brimstone. But Truth is Truth. As Debbie Jo has taught me the book of Revelation and I have listened 2-3 times to her breakdown of this book I have to believe that the end is truly near. Is it tomorrow, I dont know? Is it in 30 more years, could be? Is it in 50 more decades, that too could be possible? I think the biggest word that sticks out to me in this verse is repent. Its the one area in my life that I have to be on myself of not forgetting, now that I am His child, to confess and repent over my sins, each day! As you read this verse, does your heart rate speed up because of excitement (mixed with a tid bit of unknown of heaven) and that the kingdom of God is going to be awesome! or does your heart rate speed up because you aren't sure you are even in the kingdom of God? If it's the latter, God's near to you! Basically all in all, I want to spread the gospel courageously, unashamed! And I want to spread the gospel through my life... not just my words.

Celebrating the Death of Osama Bin Laden - Should We?

Well, to start off, I already thought Osama Bin Laden was dead. I know - I'm very uninformed. I need to work on that... anyways I do not think we should celebrate the death of Osama Bin Laden. I agree with the statement that we all deserve to be punished and we should rejoice in God's great love that he has saved us from ourselves. Romans tells us that everyone has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God and that the wages of sin is death. However, we have an awesome God who saved us from this death. Romans 2 also says that "if you think you can judge others you are wrong." We are in no position whatsoever to judge what Osama Bin Laden deserved. We all deserve the same punishment which is death and I don't think we should celebrate for his death.. Mrs. Jackson and I were talking the other day about whether or not all sins are equal. We talked about it for a while and in my opinion, I think in the eyes of God sin is equal. God HATES sin. Revelation 21 says that liars, murderers, cowards, adulterers and more will ALL have a place in the lake of burning sulfur. God hates sin. However, we talked about how on the earth there is a measurement of sin to keep the world in order. We talked about how maybe God set up this systematic order on earth to keep the world from going into chaos. But it was just our thoughts coming up. Anyways, I think by no means should we celebrate for the death of a person. I think its truly heartbreaking. No matter how horrible of a person they are, like the author of this article said, he was made in the image of God. When asked the question if any of these people celebrating had prayed for Bin Laden to change his heart, it really made me upset. I was really upset that I had never done that, and it really makes me regret not praying for him (I mean... I did think he was dead though) anyways I just really want to start praying for people across the world more. Proverbs 11:30 says wise is the one who saves lives". It needs to be my mission to save lives and if I can just start by praying for people across the world, then I need to do that. God can change the hearts of anyone.. I mean he did for Paul! Dr. Martin Luther King Jr says, "Through violence you may murder the hater,but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate. So it goes. Returning violence for violence multiplies violence,......adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."So in conclusions.. am I pleased this dark period of violence in our country is closed? Sure. Do I want to rejoice in the fact justice is served? I do. Does my mind warn me of deeper issues that will take me to darker places if I hold a contradictory worldview of peace in the NT with the Judgement and wrath God is coming to serve? YES! This is probably the biggest issue to me. How can God bless America when the killing of a killer is issued? Didn't the Muslims say "Allah Akbar" on 9-11 for the same reasons, or in other words...God bless us for the violence we are ensuing on those WE see as villain, mainly America? So the greater question is, whose side is God on? I believe the Bible answers this very clearly. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. That whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." God loved the world and all the people in it. God's side is on those who repent and turn to Him. So as my spirit wants to leap with excitement this chapter of Bin Laden is closed, I'm readily aware of God's pain for the millions of people who die apart from being in His family. It's the whole world that suffers when someone moves from under the banner of God's umbrella of grace and forgiveness. May we be a people who humbly approach the justice we serve. May we take caution our emotions don't leap too fast when God's will be done. "May we continue to focus on our primary objective as faith followers, "Go therefore and make disciples to all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. And teaching them to obey all that I have commanded. For I am with you always, even to the end of the age.' Matthew (28:19)" Andy Braner

Insecurities

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10. 

Why do I care about what people think so much? I can say I really don’t care, but thats only a lie. It drives what I wear, what I say, what I do, and what I think. I hate it. I am such a people pleaser. It seems as if saying “no” is the hardest thing to say. I hate conflict, and as a result I only bottle up my emotions, suppress them, sweep them under the rug, neglect my feelings. And as a result I’m a complete mess on the inside. The reality is all this is driven by my own insecurities. Gosh, that feels good to admit. But I know that if I were more secure in Christ, I would be less concerned about what others think. My actions would be more focused on pleasing Him, rather than pleasing others.  I need strength to find my security in Him and not the things of the world. I want the Lord to shine truth in every corner of my heart! I know the voice in my head telling me I'm stupid and awkward and worthless is straight from the devils mouth but I can't drown it out. My frustration is that I recognize the problem but I just dont know how to deal with it. Psalm 13 is my exact heartbeat right now.

   How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
   How long will you hide your face from me?

   How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
   and every day have sorrow in my heart?
   How long will my enemy triumph over me?

  Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
   Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

  my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
   and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

  But I trust in your unfailing love;
   my heart rejoices in your salvation.

  I will sing to the LORD,
   for he has been good to me.

the stoplight dilemma

To be honest, I don't come across homeless people very often. I've literally never seen a homeless person in Sugar Land, so there aren't any homeless people in the place I spend most of my time. However, whenever I see a homeless person I always want to help them, I really want to help homeless people and really want to care for them. I have helped homeless people by giving them money and actually last Sunday I helped a homeless man. We gave him two boxes of granola bars, a bag of a variety of chips, toothpaste, a toothbrush, and a gallon of water. He was the sweetest man. He didn't have a sign or anything which showed that he wasn't asking for a handout. He was reading the Purpose Driven Life, which I thought was soo cool. He was just trusting in God to provide for him and he had gotten out of the hospital two days earlier and was homeless and had no money. He was sooo unbelievably thankful and when we drove away he was on his knees with his hands outstretched crying and praying. It was the coolest thing I've ever experienced. Not going to lie we all started tearing up or crying. But I really want to help homeless people and I can't wait till I start driving so I can do this for people all the time. I think a good combination of things to have would be a blanket, water, crackers or granola bars, a little new testament Bible, toothbrush and toothpaste, undershirts, and just little things like that. I also think it would be good to have a little sheet with a list of mens and womens shelters with adresses or maps to them or something :)