“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10.
Why do I care about what people think so much? I can say I really don’t care, but thats only a lie. It drives what I wear, what I say, what I do, and what I think. I hate it. I am such a people pleaser. It seems as if saying “no” is the hardest thing to say. I hate conflict, and as a result I only bottle up my emotions, suppress them, sweep them under the rug, neglect my feelings. And as a result I’m a complete mess on the inside. The reality is all this is driven by my own insecurities. Gosh, that feels good to admit. But I know that if I were more secure in Christ, I would be less concerned about what others think. My actions would be more focused on pleasing Him, rather than pleasing others. I need strength to find my security in Him and not the things of the world. I want the Lord to shine truth in every corner of my heart! I know the voice in my head telling me I'm stupid and awkward and worthless is straight from the devils mouth but I can't drown it out. My frustration is that I recognize the problem but I just dont know how to deal with it. Psalm 13 is my exact heartbeat right now.
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
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