Insecurities

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10. 

Why do I care about what people think so much? I can say I really don’t care, but thats only a lie. It drives what I wear, what I say, what I do, and what I think. I hate it. I am such a people pleaser. It seems as if saying “no” is the hardest thing to say. I hate conflict, and as a result I only bottle up my emotions, suppress them, sweep them under the rug, neglect my feelings. And as a result I’m a complete mess on the inside. The reality is all this is driven by my own insecurities. Gosh, that feels good to admit. But I know that if I were more secure in Christ, I would be less concerned about what others think. My actions would be more focused on pleasing Him, rather than pleasing others.  I need strength to find my security in Him and not the things of the world. I want the Lord to shine truth in every corner of my heart! I know the voice in my head telling me I'm stupid and awkward and worthless is straight from the devils mouth but I can't drown it out. My frustration is that I recognize the problem but I just dont know how to deal with it. Psalm 13 is my exact heartbeat right now.

   How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
   How long will you hide your face from me?

   How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
   and every day have sorrow in my heart?
   How long will my enemy triumph over me?

  Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
   Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

  my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
   and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

  But I trust in your unfailing love;
   my heart rejoices in your salvation.

  I will sing to the LORD,
   for he has been good to me.

the stoplight dilemma

To be honest, I don't come across homeless people very often. I've literally never seen a homeless person in Sugar Land, so there aren't any homeless people in the place I spend most of my time. However, whenever I see a homeless person I always want to help them, I really want to help homeless people and really want to care for them. I have helped homeless people by giving them money and actually last Sunday I helped a homeless man. We gave him two boxes of granola bars, a bag of a variety of chips, toothpaste, a toothbrush, and a gallon of water. He was the sweetest man. He didn't have a sign or anything which showed that he wasn't asking for a handout. He was reading the Purpose Driven Life, which I thought was soo cool. He was just trusting in God to provide for him and he had gotten out of the hospital two days earlier and was homeless and had no money. He was sooo unbelievably thankful and when we drove away he was on his knees with his hands outstretched crying and praying. It was the coolest thing I've ever experienced. Not going to lie we all started tearing up or crying. But I really want to help homeless people and I can't wait till I start driving so I can do this for people all the time. I think a good combination of things to have would be a blanket, water, crackers or granola bars, a little new testament Bible, toothbrush and toothpaste, undershirts, and just little things like that. I also think it would be good to have a little sheet with a list of mens and womens shelters with adresses or maps to them or something :)

Radical Series So Far

I really like this series! Its really awesome and I really like it. But I think he says a lot of what he says in the book. And I've been reading the book so its not really all new ideas and new concepts for me. So that's kind of disappointing but at the same time its really good because then I can remember the things better. but overall I've really liked the series. However, in the middle of the school day I'm honestly not the biggest fan of watching a long sermon..


This series is teaching me a lot about how my life should be. I feel like I'm just repeating myself in all of these blogs though, so I'm not going to go into detail. But its helping me transform my life a lot. Its also showing me what my real dreams are for the rest of my life and thats really exciting to figure out!

These sermons have really made me see what being radical really means. Its helping me see how I can be a radical Christian and be an example to others and its perfect timing because its right when we're applying for d-group leaders! I want to be a really good leader for these kids and I'm soo excited about it! This is shaping my idea of real Christianity and its so cool!

Radical Compassion

God has truly blessed me with compassion. I LOVE people. I love helping people, hurting people, mean people, nice people.. I think you get the picture! I want to pursue a career that has constant interaction with people. I think having radical compassion means loving and helping the people that you may not want to love. To show unconditional love to your enemies and the ones who hurt you. I honestly didn't really even know what this TRULY was until tonight. Isn't it cool how God works?!? My uncle doesn't have the best reputation. He has for sure messed up plenty of times in his life. He has done things to his own family that you would never imagine. After walking out of our lives for several years he came back yesterday to pay a ticket he had to take care of. I thought I would be resentful and I was kind of holding a grudge in my heart, as was my sister. My sisters feelings pretty much stayed and didn't change. I thought I'd be the same way but the second I saw my uncle.. I can't even explain the emotions I felt. It was like the prodigals son story but actually IN my life. It was so cool. My uncle greeted me with a tight long hug with the same husky smell and deep voice he had when he left. All the thoughts of being mad at him, completely left my mind and I was just filled with this love for him and I just wanted to talk to him all night long, and I did! He has completely changed his life around in Alaska and has been sober for 18 months. He shared with us his hopes and dreams and plans and I found myself so excited for him! God truly, truly helped me and changed my heart when I approached my uncle. Radical compassion is forgetting about the way the world says we should feel towards people and what the devil wants us to feel - and loving like Jesus Christ. I want to always have radical compassion and love others always. I want to make a difference in peoples lives and show them love and that I'm willing to help them in every way I can. But I really need to change this "want" and make it a will..

Kyle Lake's Last Sermon

Live. And Live Well. BREATHE. Breathe in and Breathe deeply. Be PRESENT. Do not be past. Do not be future. Be now. On a crystal clear, breezy 70 degree day, roll down the windows and FEEL the wind against your skin. Feel the warmth of the sun.
If you run, then allow those first few breaths on a cool Autumn day to FREEZE your lungs and do not just be alarmed, be ALIVE. Get knee-deep in a novel and LOSE track of time.
If you bike, pedal HARD… and if you crash then crash well.
Feel the SATISFACTION of a job well done—a paper well-written, a project thoroughly completed, a play well-performed. If you must wipe the snot from your 3-year old’s nose, don’t be disgusted if the Kleenex didn’t catch it all… because soon he’ll be wiping his own.
If you’ve recently experienced loss, then GRIEVE. And Grieve well. At the table with friends and family, LAUGH. If you’re eating and laughing at the same time, then might as well laugh until you puke. And if you eat, then SMELL. The aromas are not impediments to your day. Steak on the grill, coffee beans freshly ground, cookies in the oven. And TASTE. Taste every ounce of flavor. Taste every ounce of friendship. Taste every ounce of Life. Because-it-is-most-definitely-a-Gift."

I love this message!! It is so amazing and just shows how we should make use of our lives. My about me is kind of a mini version of this of what I want my life to be like.. it says

I am a sixteen year old daughter of the almighty God! Christ is whom I live for! I am totally crazy in love with Jesus Christ! I love life and living it to the fullest! We only have one life to live, so why not live the way you want to? I love making new friends and getting to know people on a deeper level. I want to live like no one else has ever lived! I want to go to Africa and spread the gospel, do back flips, sleep under the stars, ride a hot air balloon, climb trees, and live in a hut. I want to love like I did when I was little, holding nothing back. I want to sleep in a rainforest, take a long trip on a train, and run through a puddle in heels. I want to listen to the voice of God 24/7 even when I'm sleeping. I want to bungee jump off a bridge, jet ski in south america, and go on a cruise to Alaska. When it rains, I want it to pour! I want to inspire the world to love! I want to stop just living and live for GOD.

My greatest fear is to be just another teenage girl. I don't want to be average. I want to be what God wants me to be, and I know God has a huge plan for my life, I know its bigger than I could ever think about. I'm scared that I would miss His plan for my life. I have seen what its like to be out of God's will. Its not fun. I'm scared that when Im gone there will be nothing for anyone to remember. I'm scared that when God looks me right in the eyes that He shrinks back thinking about how great my life COULD have been. I'm scared I'm not going to live up to God's, others, or even my own standards. I'm scared of falling short. I am someone that gives all I've got all the time. So when I fail, its hard for me to accept that. I don't want to disappoint anyone, especially not God. I know I didn't write about just my greatest fear but if you think about it, everything I just said ties into one thing... I don't want to be average, I want to go above and beyond that bar that was set for me by myself or my parents or whoever.
I dont want to be one in a million.. I want to be one OUT of a million.

David Platt Sermon

We watched another sermon from David Platt and it was really awesome. I really love his messages and they really speak to me, even though its a lot of what his book says. To be 100% honest with myself I have to say that I do want salvation without sacrifice. It's so much easier to conform to this world and follow the ways of the world. But Christianity is hard its never going to be easy. Does anybody else grow weary at times from this whole "fight" analogy we have in scripture? I know there are days when my heart is weary of the fight. I want to give in to my pride, my selfishness, and my thoughts and not fight. I simply share with you the days of weariness will come. But just as I type my weary whimpering, my heart in the depth of it knows that in my weakness He is strong His burden is light. Fighting the good fight will make you weary. but weariness should never make you stop fighting. It means that I keep fighting in the morning as the Lord awakens my heart to His world, instead of snoozing for 20 more minutes. It means that we keep fighting when the world says it;s not a big deal to dress the trendy way, instead we stay trendily-modest with our fashion to directly link us to our security in the Lord. It means that we fight for souls, not grades or esteem or titles. We fight to bring glory to the Lord that has granted us access to eternity with Him. Oh my sweet friends, have you had a weary year this year? Is your fight knocked out of you from the messages the world has written on your heart? The Ultimate Trainer wants to train us each day, each moment in this fight! To have true salvation I want to give up everything. I do. I want to and I need the Lord in order to change my selfish desires. I want CHRIST to be the center of my life. I want to do everything for him. A song by Charlie Hall says, "Everything was made in You Jesus, Breath of every living thing, Everyone was made for You. You hold everything together, You hold everything together. Christ be the center of our lives, Be the place we fix our eyes, Be the center of our lives. We lift our eyes to heaven, We wrap our lives around your life, We lift our eyes to heaven, to You" If you havent heard it you should for sure look it up its one my favorites!! Being dead to ourselves means that CHRIST makes all the decesions in our life. that He is first and number one and that we give everything to Him to decide. A life doing this would be a life after Christ's. A life of imitation and a life of humility and love. God's first commandment requires us to be obsessed with Him alone. When we obsess over worldly things we fail to focus on what matters. Our obsessions are discovered by where we spend our time and money. A lot of the questions this asks I answered in my other blog talking about Radical about a month or so ago.  Christ is my SUPREME JOY.