Crazy Love Sermon

In missions we watched a sermon by Francis Chan, in which he talked about why he wrote the book Crazy Love. I really, really liked this sermon and so many things spoke to me. I'll try just to hit on the major points though! One thing that he said that I really liked was that when you are convicted about something - DO SOMETHING! If you don't you'll make a habit of not doing anything when you're convicted. I think this is so true! I read about Abraham and how much he trusted God and hear about how I should do the same, yet I still don't trust God the way I should! I have a lot of other examples too, but to be honest I think a lot of the time I can get convicted and not do anything about it. Chan talked about the churches of Sardis and Laodicea that Revelation 3 talks about and they both scare me and break my heart. It hurts to see that this is what Christianity is like and it scares me because what if I am one of the people who are asleep or what if I am lukewarm? That truly truly scares me. I don't want to be asleep. I don't want to be lukewarm. I want to be ON FIRE for God. I want to be AWAKE. One of the questions he asked was that if he asked my friends "what is courtney like? tell me about her. what is her reputation?" what would people say?? and if he asked God the same thing.. what would God say about me?? What would they look like? Would what my friends say be greater than what God says? A really cool illustration that has stuck with me is that our lives are like icebergs. When you see an iceberg, you can't really calculate how big it is - because it can be soo much bigger underwater than it is above. I think (not sure) that the statistic is that you cant see 90% of an iceberg... but I could be way wrong. Anyways, if our identity is an iceberg... it should only be slightly above water. If you ask yourself "who are you in Christ?" and you examine everything that consists of you - what does your iceberg look like?? If your identity is an iceberg then the part exposed above water (for everyone to see) should be your actions, behavior and the external things. But underneath the water (the inner most part of you) should be your cores, values, mission, motives, beliefs, and everything internal. See the thing is that storms are going to come. And when storms come if your 'iceberg' is 90% underwater or between you and God, the storms won't have much affect on you. However if the majority of your iceberg is you showing off for others, and you have less between you and God.. a storm will seriously shake you and leave you so so broken. I know this is probably really difficult to understand through a blog, it makes so much more sense if I'm just saying it - but I think its a really good analogy. But my point is that we need to focus our attention to our lives with God, not others. We need to ask ourselves if we are more concerned about our reputations than our character before God. Something that Chan said that is SO true is that It's SO silly to fake something when something SO BIG is on the line.

Today I met with my accountability partner Shelby and we just talked about life and areas of our lives and it just randomly came up the whole being fake thing. And she's the first person I ever told this too (and it wasn't that bad, and maybe it will help if I blog about it) but so frequently I feel SO fake. I felt like I was about to start crying or something when I finally admitted it to someone. But I'll go home and think that I put up a mask. I doubt myself and doubt that I'm actually a nice girl or a good cheerleader or a growing Women of Christ. I am like the QUEEN of doubt. Its absolutely horrible and now Shelbs is helping me by praying for me, but yeah I doubt myself so much. But I think that I put up this mask for people... but the most inward part of me knows that I'm not. Its like I think I put up this mask for people sometimes, but when I think about it - its not a mask!! Its just who I am. If I took away this mask that I think I have... there is nothing else. I'm not hiding anything, so why is it that I keep doubting myself?? I'm not going to pretend like I have the answer, because I have absolutely NO idea why I'm doing this. hahhaha I feel like I'm about to start crying, I don't even know why this makes me so emotional. But I told shelby like I can't tell if this is Satan just trying to get to me and take me away from God, or if this is God trying to tell me something?? I just can't tell. But its really hard and confusing and ughh I just don't understand why I question myself at all. But I was glad that I admitted it to her because I got to hear how she struggles with the same thing, so I'm blessed to know that I'm not the only one doubting myself.

Another thing Francis Chan talked about was how many will think they are going to Heaven but they are wrong, and Chan said that he doesn't want anyone who has been saved to doubt their salvation, but I just want to be honest - I am SO scared. I am terrified about this - what if God says to me "I never knew you" instead of "well done my good and faithful servant" I guess this just goes back to what I was saying about how I doubt myself. He brought up that if everyone around us is lukewarm, how will we know that we are not? He said, "is it that I am so spiritual, holy, godly, or is that the place we live in is so materialistic". This scares me too. I don't want to be lukewarm... but am I?? I want to be WHOLLY yours God. I want Him to examine the deepest parts of my heart and show me my worldly desires so that I can flee from them and run to His TRUTH. I want to become more like God and be AWAKE. but am I asleep?? am I lukewarm?? I just can't tell and it scares me so badly...

Here's a song by Spur58 called sleepwalkers that I'm kind of in love with... The lyrics are underneath it

Check your pulse
See if blood is rushing through
There should be a beating heart attached to you

We are sleepwalkers
Alive but not in love
We've forgotten, we've abandoned
what it means to have life

The day awaits your arrival
The day is waiting for you to wake up

Wake up and breathe again
There is life outside
This room you've run around
With your sleep-closed eyes
Come and see the daylight is running thin
Wake up and breathe

life is short, there is so much to be said
We should be the sign of life and not the dead

We're not lost stars, afraid of all this space
Let us light up, let us burn bright
And illuminate today

The day awaits your arrival
The day is waiting for you to wake up

Wake up and breathe again
There is life outside
This room you've run around
With your sleep-closed eyes
Come and see the daylight is running thin
Wake up and breathe

I think it's time for you to open up your eyes

Wake up and breathe again
There is life outside
This room you've run around
With your sleep-closed eyes
Come and see the daylight is running thin
Wake up and breathe



I don't know if I'm asleep.. but if I am... its time for me to WAKE UP. And I'm ready and willing and want to. I want to follow wherever God takes me and do things that I may find uncomfortable or unusual but that God is calling me to do.